Staying by your side knowing our hands will never intertwine is the bitterest hell I have endured.
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“At least I knocked.
I didn’t just barge in on your life.
I knocked.
And you opened the door,
barely enough for me to peer into your world.
Although it was not enough for me to put a foot in the doorway,
I could see the surroundings.
The floor was covered in trash,
old memories of betrayal and lust that you thought was love.
Furniture covered in dust,
window glass shielded in stains.
Your eyebrows raised, as if asking why i had come by.
‘Can I come in? I promise I won’t break anything.’ I asked in hopes that you would give me a chance.
You shook your head, ‘I can’t let you in and trust that you will not harm everything that I have become.’”
- B.M.
Why ‘female-presenting nipples’ matter
When I was 10, my mom made me wear a bra and it felt like a punishment for being different.
When I was 10, I took the bra off when changing for gymnastics and accidentally dropped it in the school hallway. A teacher picked it up and said, “Oh, this must belong to you” and handed it back to me in front of everyone. I quit gymnastics.
When I was 11, I thought maybe the boobs would be okay so long as they didn’t get any bigger than would fit in my hand, so I kept measuring it, but they did.
When I was 12, I started wearing two or three sports bras to smush them down, until one day a classmate said, “Are you wearing two bras?!” while laughing.
When I was 13, a boy told me he wanted to squeeze my boobs “until they popped.”
When I was 14, I got cast in a play as an older character and a classmate told me I got the role because I had boobs.
When I was 17, my mom told me to return a swimsuit because it would be too distracting for my boyfriend’s father.
When I was 21, I got properly fitted for a bra and everyone felt the need to tell me how much better my boobs looked.
When I was 26, I got pregnant and my immediate fear was that my boobs would get bigger.
When I was 28, I got shamed for trying to feed my screaming baby in public without a cover.
When I was 28, people asked me “why are you bothering to use a breastfeeding cover?”
When I was 30, people gave me weird looks that I wasn’t yelling at my kid for putting their hand on my boob.
When I was 31, I avoided going to the beach or pool because I didn’t want to have to deal with boobs in a swimsuit.
When I was 32, I got asked, again, “why don’t you get a breast reduction?”
When I was 33, I watched a 5yo girl get shamed for running around in sweltering heat without a shirt on and had to reprimand a bunch of tween boys who thought it was okay to shame her for doing something they do all the time.
When I was 34, my kid kept patting my breast and saying “Mommy’s squishy breast!!” They will never see me express any shame about tits, because I want them to have a different mindset than I had. Yes, boobs are nice! They’re squishy! They’re fun! That’s the end of that.
I’m 35 and no longer give a fuck. I don’t care anymore. As a teenager my tits were covered in stretch marks. They’ve been engorged with milk. My nipple changed shape with pregnancy. Give it another couple decades and my breasts will probably be all wrinkly. It’s sexual when I’m using it sexually. I don’t fucking care, and I won’t be ashamed anymore.
Every time a policy or cultural hangup treats people with breasts differently, it fucks us over.
Tumblr’s new policy makes an active choice to participate in this culture of shame. By classifying “female-presenting nipples” as explicit material, Tumblr has taken a stance that any chest or breast that differs from a male default is worthy of shame and unavoidably sexual. The idea that breasts are shameful and unavoidably sexual is exactly what fucked me up for so much of my life.
Stop shaming people for having bodies.
*claps until my arms fall off*
Actually this is the part that angers me the most.
“‘What are you looking for in a guy?’ he asked. I almost said your name. I really wanted to. But I know better now. Instead, I said, ‘Someone who will brave the storms with me, instead of running away when I need him the most. Someone who’s willing to fight for me, someone who’s willing to stay.’”
— Someone not like you ( @words-of-heartbreak )
“Everytime I have good intentions with people, my own heart has to be broken in pieces.”
— i’m tired of giving my all
“Fall in love with someone who’s comfortable with your silence. Find someone who doesn’t need your words to know it’s time to kiss you.”
— Clairabelle Ann
“It’s easy to find someone to love, but difficult finding someone who loves you back.”
— tara love / never take someone’s love for granted
Blogs&Followers
As you all probably know by now, tumblr is getting rid of all adult content. So after the 17th, I, along with other blogs, will probably be inactive on tumblr and will be moving platforms. I’ve set up a discord server for ‘adult content’ blogs to help keep their follower base when/if they decide to move platform or for my followers to keep track of me when I move. https://discord.gg/G8peYS7
Because Of Course
I found a home here…a place where I felt like I fit in, but it looks like that’s going to end very soon. Which sucks to say the least.
I plan to stay here until I can’t take the censorship anymore, or Tumblr just deletes me (both totally possible on 12/17), but I’ve asked Sir about starting something on wordpress.com to promote my writing, and for those of you who are interested in maintaining a connection with me beyond reading the occasional essay or book, send me a message here (the sooner the better), and we can talk about exchanging email addresses.
Man. This sucks.
SIGH.
Welp…it’s empty so far, but for anyone interested, I’m working to set myself up here…
https://jenlynthawsleyauthor.wordpress.com/
I’m going to stay here on Tumblr until they kick me off. But…I mean…they might kick me off, so…I’ll be there too.
If any of YOU are on WordPress, follow me there, or DM me here and let me know what your name is there so I can follow you. :)
